There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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