I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
operation harelip BJ is a go
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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