so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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