please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize