im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
