just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize