Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize