too bad you live with your parents still
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
