god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You have to summon your inner elephant
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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