I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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