It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
