Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
