im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
