You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
