It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
