How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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