No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
