the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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