Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
