My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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