He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found puke in my bra..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
