What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
