I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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