Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
