u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
