i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
