whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
