if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
