The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
