last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
