I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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