Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
