I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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