it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
