Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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