why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.