He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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