Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.