if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.