Plan B is the new Plan A
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.