omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.