I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis