make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
