Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
