She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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