I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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