You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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