I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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