So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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