she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
