bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
