I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
