I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
