Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
