Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize