funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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