Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There r osticjed everywhere
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
