ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
