think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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