don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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