I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
