He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
