Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
