she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
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splinters make it hard to masturbate
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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